Unsteady As She Goes!

Aaccckkkk!  I’m outta control…and I’m feeling (oddly) ok.  I love every bit of it - sleep-interrupted nights, dream messages, nervous stomach, butterflies when I think about my future artist self.  I am consumed with the need to create.  I am eager to jump into the unknown, to explore its promise.  I feel recharged and ready, even though I am not clear about what, exactly.  Never mind!  Hand me those paints!

The workshop was my jumping point.  It was a stretch.  It was scary-exciting.  I heard my Inner Critic immediately:  “You don’t know how to do this.  You’ve never done anything like this before.  What if you suck?  What if you spend all that money just to be disappointed?” 

Artist-teacher extraordinaire Sandra Duran Wilson and me at the workshop

I did it anyway.  I showed up the first day knowing nothing and glad of it.  Freed from self-expectation, I was willing to do anything and then follow that lead.  I asked for help (a lot) from my workshop mates and from Sandra, the teacher.  I was in so-much-new-stuff-coming-at-me-all-at-once overload that I was buzzing inside.  In a constant state of excitement, I could feel my body vibrate.  During the week, I never could make sense of it, I never could catch up.  I just kept going.

Infinity: Going Neural has been accepted into the Hawaii Watercolor Society Spring Show.

This workshop happened at the perfect time for me.  A roller-coaster ride of uncertainty tempered with trust, it was just what I needed.  Happily, it was what I wanted, as well.  I think this is true for everyone. These flip-flop moments can be invitations to new adventures, improved selves.  Our attitudes determine the outcome, of course, but the opportunities are there. 

Phantasmagoria: This one was accepted, also.

My artist self is being re-wired and I see how all the other things that now require my attention are perfectly placed.  They will allow me space, distance, time to let the buzzing subside.  I cannot stay in this place and function.  I need sleep, if nothing else!  

Since I haven’t a choice, I’ll just relax into the flow.  It is enough to trust that this latest shake up has made room for my new self to settle in.  I welcome this craziness and I welcome her.

Ancient Voices, Future Vision: This one, too!

Hope you guys are having as much fun as I am,

Judy