Aaccckkkk! I’m outta control…and I’m feeling (oddly) ok. I love every bit of it - sleep-interrupted nights, dream messages, nervous stomach, butterflies when I think about my future artist self. I am consumed with the need to create. I am eager to jump into the unknown, to explore its promise. I feel recharged and ready, even though I am not clear about what, exactly. Never mind! Hand me those paints!
The workshop was my jumping point. It was a stretch. It was scary-exciting. I heard my Inner Critic immediately: “You don’t know how to do this. You’ve never done anything like this before. What if you suck? What if you spend all that money just to be disappointed?”
Artist-teacher extraordinaire Sandra Duran Wilson and me at the workshop
I did it anyway. I showed up the first day knowing nothing and glad of it. Freed from self-expectation, I was willing to do anything and then follow that lead. I asked for help (a lot) from my workshop mates and from Sandra, the teacher. I was in so-much-new-stuff-coming-at-me-all-at-once overload that I was buzzing inside. In a constant state of excitement, I could feel my body vibrate. During the week, I never could make sense of it, I never could catch up. I just kept going.
Infinity: Going Neural has been accepted into the Hawaii Watercolor Society Spring Show.
This workshop happened at the perfect time for me. A roller-coaster ride of uncertainty tempered with trust, it was just what I needed. Happily, it was what I wanted, as well. I think this is true for everyone. These flip-flop moments can be invitations to new adventures, improved selves. Our attitudes determine the outcome, of course, but the opportunities are there.
Phantasmagoria: This one was accepted, also.
My artist self is being re-wired and I see how all the other things that now require my attention are perfectly placed. They will allow me space, distance, time to let the buzzing subside. I cannot stay in this place and function. I need sleep, if nothing else!
Since I haven’t a choice, I’ll just relax into the flow. It is enough to trust that this latest shake up has made room for my new self to settle in. I welcome this craziness and I welcome her.
Ancient Voices, Future Vision: This one, too!
Hope you guys are having as much fun as I am,